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Suddenly, a fic appears!
Captain Fine
Title: To me, James Tiberius Kirk.
Fandom: Star Trek 2009.
Character(s): James T. Kirk, Leonard 'Bones' McCoy, Christopher Pike, and mentions of made up characters. 
Pairing(s): None, I guess Kirk/Bones if you squint. 
Rating: I'mma rate this M, just to be safe.  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Warnings: Deals with transsexual character coming out, has mentions violence, and a lot of cursing. Also mention of tentacles coming out of asses. 
Author's Note: This is completely un-beated and I'm still very rusty when it comes to fic writing, so there is probably more than a few mistakes in this and it's probably not the best I've ever written. I probably didn't do enough research on the subject of transsexual males to do them justice either, my apologies. Also, I'm not sure if they have cotton pads in the future but...why the fuck not?
Summary: Jim likes getting into fights because they make him feel manly. 

Jim never really wanted to attend Starfleet Academy, but now that he’s here, he’s kind of really glad that he is.

Because this is the first time Jim gets to wear a male uniform. This is the first time he is registered at a school as a male, as James Tiberious Kirk, as Jim. It’s only his first day and he has been called “sir” three times since getting to the academy. Three times!

It was worth the deal he made with Pike, the shots for an enrollment in Starfleet. Jim’s mother and Pike had called it a chance for a better future, but once Jim got used to the idea of attending the academy; he saw it as an opportunity to make his current life better.

He finds his roommate already at their dorm, head deep in a box and ass up in the air as he grumbles incoherently. Jim clears his throat loudly enough for his new roommate to hear and jerk up to look at Jim from over his shoulder. “I was just looking for….never mind” He shakes his head and closes the box, putting it down on the floor before turning to Jim.

“McCoy, Leonard McCoy.” He reached out his hand and Jim shook it “James Tiberius Kirk, call me Jim.”

“Alright, Jimbo” McCoy grins before digs out a bottle with some green liquid in it and two large plastic cups from another box. He fills the cups to the brim and hands Jim one of them before gently nudging the cups together in a toast and putting the cup to his lips, he tilts his head back as he finishes the entire thing like a pro.

Jim shrugs to himself, before doing the same.

“Oh my god, I think my insides are on fire!”

“Welcome to Starfleet, James Tiberius Kirk.”


Jim gets into a lot of fights at the academy. He kind of feels like he has to, because he is still small and petite. His face is still smooth, with little sign of stubble, his eyelashes are still thick and his lips are still plum. The shots aren’t working fast enough.

He has to change in private, which sucks and causes more bullying and more fighting because of the bullying, but is thankful they mostly bully him about the size of his dick. He can deal with them insinuation that his dick is the size of a small pencil, as long as they think he actually has one.

But sometimes Jim starts fights simply because he wants to. Because the fights makes him feel like a man, more than the shots and finding the occasional chest hair does, so he starts them to feel like a man.

He started this fight. He had gone out to a bar without Bones, like he usually did when he wanted to get into a fight, and ran into some guys from the academy. Jim had been glad to see them, because he knew starting a fight with these guys wouldn’t be hard at all. Just throw a few insults at their leader and see how the herd responds. As Jim expected, they responded by taking Jim outside. As Jim expected, they wanted to beat the crap out of him. However, he didn’t expect things to get violent enough for the others to start smashing beer bottles and use them to cut Jim the fuck up. He is stupid enough to get himself into fights, but Jim is also smart enough to know when he needs to get himself out of them as well. It’s easier said than done though and when Jim finally managed to run away, he is hurt enough to be slightly concerned about himself.

Jim knows he’s bleeding badly, but he doesn’t want a hospital or the school doctor, so he finds Bones in their dorm. “What in blazes happened to you?” Bones jumps up from his chair, heads straight for Jim and looks him over like Jim’s mother always did when Jim came home from school with bruises.

Bones turns on his heel and rummages around the room for a bit, looking for the medical kit he keeps in their dorm for similar occasions like this, because Jim has come back home with bruises and cuts far too many times for Bones not to keep a medical kit with him at all times. He curses Jim until he locates the kit under a pile of dirty clothes, before he grabs Jim by the upper arm, dragging him along to the chair Bones once was sitting in and commands Jim to sit his ass down.

“What happened this time, you moron?” Bones asks while he cleans the gashes on Jim’s face, trying to sound annoyed, but Jim detects high levels of “Mother Hen” in Bones’s voice.

“Am I going to have scars?” Jim asks, trying not to sound hopeful. Scars are manly.

“I regret to inform you, Baby Face Kirk, that yeah you’ll have a few scars. Some of these cuts are nasty as fuck.” Bones grumbles and deliberately jams the cotton pad a little too hard onto one of the cuts, causing Jim to jerk and hiss in pain. “Now tell me who you pissed off this time.”


“Chuck Massey? That guy is a fucking mountain; why in the fuck would you piss him off? Again.”

“Because Chuck Massey is an asshole. In fact, he is the king of all assholes. All other assholes bow down before his assholeness!” Jim waves his arms around and he nearly hits Bones straight in the face while doing so.


Bones’s voice is soft when he grabs hold of both Jim’s arms and lowers them to Jim’s side. He looks concerned enough to make Jim feel guilty about pretty much everything he has done wrong in his entire life, ever.

“Jim, I get it. You don’t like the guy, I don’t fucking like the guy, he is the king of assholes, but you can’t just go…doing shit like this.” He gestures towards all of Jim. “I swear you do it because you like it, and that ain’t healthy, not for you and certainly not for me.“

Jim nods softly and bites his lip as Bones finishes up cleaning and bandaging the cuts on his face. The long gash on his arm hurts the most; he can’t help but whimper slightly when Bones cleans it. Thankfully Bones is good at what he does, so it doesn’t take long before the wound is all cleaned up and bandaged.

“Now, let’s get rid of this”

Jim jerks when Bones reaches for the hem of his shirt, grabbing both of Bones hands and holds them firmly while staring wide eyed at the good doctor. Bones in return, raises an eyebrow at him.

“Jim, despite how much you like to insinuate that I secretly want to have my dick up your ass, I promise you that I am stripping you in the name of medical duty. Your chest is cut up pretty badly too from the looks of it.”

Jim glances down at the tears and blood stains on his shirt, before looking up at Bones again, trying his best to charm his way out of the situation by putting on a smile.

“No, its fine, I’ll deal with it later. Thanks though, Bones, I owe you one.”

“You’re not serious?”

“Sure am! Pretty tired too from all the people trying to stab me, so I’ll just head for bed.” Jim tries to get out of the chair but Bones grabs him before he can make his move.

“Dammit, Jim. Sit your ass down before I knock your ass down!”

Jim bites his lip again, “Seriously Bones, I’m alright now, I just need some sleep and I’ll be as good as new.”

“No, you are going to let me clean your fucking wounds or I swear I will tie you to this chair.”

Jim opens his mouth to make a joke about bondage, but Bones looks well and truly pissed off at Jim, so he shuts his mouth and falls back into the chair. He briefly thinks about running for the door, but Bones has done a pretty good job blocking that path. Jim considers jumping out the window when Bones sighs and his expression softens again.

“What’s the big deal, Jim? You got a third nipple or something? I know you don’t like changing in front of the other guys, but…this is me, Jim. I ain’t going to judge you or nothing.”

It so isn’t fair for Bones to look like a puppy dog Jim has just kicked and if not for the fact that he currently feels it slamming against his chest, Jim would be sure that his heart had broken into several pieces.

Jim had hoped he would never have to do this, never have to talk about it, never have to show anyone, especially Bones who is his best friend and the last person Jim wants to lose.

“M-make sure no one can see, okay?” Jim asks, referring to the window behind them.

Bones seems confused, but he gets up and pulls the blinds down. When Bones returns to his chair, Jim is surprised at himself for not taking the chance to run away, like he initially planned to do when asking Bones to go to the window. There was no turning back now.

Jim hesitates, he shakes, and he tries not to throw up as Bones helps him remove his shirt, because Jim’s arm still hurts like a motherfucker. The binder Jim has over his chest is cut up a bit, blood having stained it here and there. Bones gazes at the binder, not staring, gazing. He does so for just brief moment, but for long enough for Jim to feel insecure and afraid of whatever it is Bones is thinking while gazing at him.

“This needs to go too” Bones says, gesturing slightly to the chest binder. Jim panics slightly; he looks at the door behind Bones and wishes he had taken the chance to run away. He feels like this is all just a terrible nightmare and he barely manages to lift his hand to his side.

He undoes the velcro lock at the side of the binder, feeling the tears gathering at the corners of his eyes as Bones reaches out and helps Jim remove it. Then Jim sits there, his chest exposed and head hung low as he focuses all his energy on not breaking down completely and sobbing in front of Bones.

Bones doesn’t say a word.

He grabs his kit again and cleans the cuts on Jim’s exposed chest as gently as he can; occasionally gazing up at Jim’s face, but Jim never meets his eyes. It hurts, in more ways than one. Jim just wants it all to be over, he wants to pack his bags and go back to his mother. He flinches whenever Bones’s fingers come in contact with his skin while applying the bandages. God, this all needed to be over.

Bones helps Jim get the chest binder back on again once he’s done tending to the wounds, gets a shirt off Jim’s bed and hands it to him. Jim slips it on and makes a mental note to never ever leave his mothers house ever again, once he gets back to Iowa. 

Bones grabs a chair and places it directly in front of Jim, seats himself on it and just looks at Jim. Not staring, never staring, but looking at him. Jim doesn’t return the favor; he just stares at the floor and silently waits for all hell to break loose.

But it never does.

“I think we both need a drink.” Bones says finally and moves to get out of his chair, but stops when Jim finally looks up from the floor.

“Why aren’t you freaking out?”

“I don’t know, I mean, I’m not going to lie…this is kind of weird,” Jim winches at that, but then Bones continues in that soft voice of his “but fuck Jim, you’re still Jim.”

Jim drops his gaze back to the floor, feeling the tears pressing on again. “I didn’t ask to be born this way, to be born…weird. I just want to be like you, a real man, not…” Jim’s voice cracks and he covers his mouth to prevent a loud sob from escaping.

“Hey, listen; you’re just as much a man as I am, as far as I’m concerned. I ain’t going to pretend like this doesn’t change things, but you’re still the same idiot Jim as you’ve been since the day we met.” Bones reaches out and puts a hand on Jim’s shoulder, squeezing gently. Jim is still shaking. “You don’t have to talk about this right now if you don’t want to, I get that it’s hard, kid. We’ll just, take it slow, okay Jimbo?”

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to go, you’re supposed to freak out, and you’re supposed to yell at me, call me disgusting, and tell the whole school. You’re…you’re not supposed to be like this.”

“Well, I’m sorry, that ain’t how it’s going to go.” Bones gave Jim’s shoulder another squeeze. “Jim, I’m your friend. I don’t give a shit if you’ve got tentacles coming out of your ass, I’ll always be your friend. You’re stuck with me.”

“I’m going to cry now.”


“And after I’m done crying, I’m going to ask you what kind of weird porn you’ve been watching to even think up the phrase ‘tentacles coming out of your ass’, because dude….what the fuck?

Jim looks up to meet Bones’s gaze and they both break out laughing. They laugh until they’re out of breath and nearly falling out of their chairs, hanging onto each other.

“I’ll fix us that drink now. ” Bones says and gets out of his chair, but Jim stops him.

Leonard.” Jim says softly and Bones entire body seems to respond to the name, because Jim rarely calls him that unless to tease him. He turns and as he does, Jim wraps his arms around him in tight hug. “Thank you.” Jim says.

Bones doesn’t reply. He just holds Jim as tightly as he can and then Jim finally cries. Jim cries and shakes with sobs and clings to Leonard, who is possibly the best friend ever to exist in the history of best friends. Bones still doesn’t say a thing; he lets Jim cry until Jim is all cried out and finally lets go of Bones to wipe his nose with the sleeve of his shirt.

Bones turns to grab two big plastic cups and a bottle of green liquid. He fills both the cups to the brim and hands Jim one of the cups, gently nudging it with the one in his own hand.

“To you, James Tiberius Kirk.”

Jim nods slightly.

“To me, James Tiberius Kirk.”

They both tilt their heads back and down the drink in one go.

“Urg, this shit is still nasty as fuck.”

“Quit your complaining, this stuff is expensive and hard to obtain.”

“What is this stuff?”

“It’s….It’s green.”

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I really love how you wrote Jim in this. And I love how accepting Bones is, admitting that yes it is weird, but Jim is still Jim and his friend so it's okay.

Are they drinking space!absinthe?

Ah, thank you dearest. ♥ I worry far too much about how I manage to write characters that aren't mine, especially well known ones like Kirk and Bones.

The green liquid is kind of a gag from Star Trek, first used in "By Any Other Name" when Scotty gets shitfaced with an alien in the name of duty ( It was also used in the episode of The Next Generation, when Scotty returns to the enterprise and Data tries to serve him drinks. (

I don't think anyone knows what it really is, just that it's green.

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